What’s it’s like Being Pregnant
For some reason I feel as if it’s not okay to speak negative about how it is to be pregnant. You should be grateful and enjoy it. Well, I’m not really the type of person who enjoy lying nor pretend something to be something it’s not.
Longing to have children
I’ve wanted children for a very long time but never thought of becoming pregnant to have a child. I always had adoption in mind. When I was in my 20’s I thought I had all the time in the world to be able to adopt further down the road. I had a few things I had to do before being able to adopt. In my 30’s many of those things were checked off except having a house. I looked through some adoption agencies and the costs once again and many things had changed during the years. Since my clock was ticking and I realized adoption might take a few more years until I can apply and then I have to wait some more years before there might be a child to adopt, I looked into insemination.
When my pregnancy test showed up positive, I was extremely happy, I think this is the only time during my pregnancy I felt pure joy from my soul and heart. Because every other step of my pregnancy has really been a struggle, not so much the pregnancy itself but everything surrounding it.
I have chronic back pain which is a form of intense pain. My doctor told me not to take my medication before getting pregnant because it could have a negative effect on the fetus. I was five weeks pregnant when I returned to work. My back gave up very quick and I had to be on sick leave half time from week seven. I struggled a lot the first trimester with my back and feeling very down, I could barely move or do anything. Not only having my back pain, I then also began having pelvic girdle pain.
A couple of weeks in my second trimester I had begun getting my chronic back pain somewhat under control, the pelvic girdle pain however had gotten worse. But I could still manage things. The only time I felt a little bit of happy was during the ultrasounds of the baby, when I could see him. I began to feel him move in my belly and still to this day I don’t really like that feeling. It’s very uncomfortable. But yes, it calms my mind when I feel him move because then I know he is okay.
A difficult pregnancy
My back pain and my weight gain during this pregnancy has affected me negative the most. I can’t really go around saying that the pregnancy itself has been bad because it hasn’t. Compared to others my pregnancy has been rather smooth and good. But I had forgotten how bad my back really is without medication.
In trimester three I was diagnosed with pregnancy diabetes. It didn’t bother me a lot since my numbers are rather low but it wasn’t any fun news to get either way. Now I am on pills and insulin. My pelvic girdle pain is a lot worse now and my back pain has intensified again. I can’t really do much anymore. I know each pregnancy might not be the same but since it’s my back pain and weight gain that has bothered me the most, I’m very sure it will happen during a next pregnancy again.
My friend explained my feelings about being pregnant in a good way and I am stealing her quote on this. I love that I am pregnant but I don’t like being pregnant.
Since my baby is a little underweight and because I have pregnancy diabetes, I am receiving extra ultrasounds. On the first check up he was 300 grams underweight and yesterday he was 200 grams underweight. But now he’s gained enough that he is above the lowest line which is good. He probably won’t become a big baby, in my mind and with my calculations I am thinking he might be everything from 3,1 – 3,7 kilos when he is born. I was told today, from my diabetes nurse, that because of my diabetes the baby has to be delivered at the latest on my expected birth date which is May 14th but at the earliest from April 26th. It’s soon! But I have to talk to my midwife about this because she is the one who has to tell the delivery personal about having my labor induced.
In 3 – 5 weeks I will have a baby boy and become a mother.